Let me tell you about myself, i am not scared to die, been through so much shit, sometimes i want to be in the sky, want to know how it feels to fly, scared of hello, i am not scared of goodbye.
What a dark way to start a post, but chill and let me explain why i chose that line from August Alsina and Pusha T song FML.
Actually that was me in the year 2010, i was in form two at this awesome high school that taught me a lot. It all started when six thousand shillings were stolen from my wallet at night. I know now you thinking how i was a rich form two, actually i was not, four thousand shillings belonged to this form four and mine was only two thousand.
The money that i was holding for the form four, was to be used to buy “maji” or commonly know as leakage, this was during the K.C.S.E period . I was actually afraid of telling him that i had lost all his money, but i could not hide it any more and so i told him. Since he was my good friend he understood and he agreed to allow me to pay him back only half. But everything changed when he told his fellow candidates.
I actually remembered them coming to my class during the night preps, all of a sudden he had changed his mind and he wanted all the money, i tried to talk to him and explain myself but his friends could not let me.
Then, they started harassing me all over school, every time : during morning porridge, during tea break, lunch time, supper and during the night preps. Different candidates would come to me asking if i had the money and when i was going to get it. This kept on going for weeks, and i decided to start hiding in other classes so that i could study, i would go today to 2 west, the next day 2 south, and the following day 2 north. I started missing my meals so that i do not meet up with them, i started growing thin. My grades started dropping, i got ulcers from all the stress coming from being disturbed by the candidates and from home because of my grades dropping, i also had a huge debt from asking my friends some money so that i dont “choma” during breakfast and tea break because i had no money to buy bread and mandazig.
During free time where i was supposed to bathe and wash my clothes, i had to hide and ended up being one of the dirtiest form two.
life was seriously hard for a 15 year old Pravin, i was tired and wanted out. So i decided to be done with this world. The school i was in, we were like on top of a cliff. So i decided that on Saturday i was going to be end my life by jumping over the cliff after the morning preps. I know now you thinking that i had no cojanas (meaning balls) to survive all that, but i was done, i was just a 15 year old, i should not have been thinking about surviving, i should be thinking about young girls and going for school functions.
As i was heading down to the cliff to actually jump and end it, my friend a prefect came running towards me, he told me i was needed in the office, i actually did not want to go for i thought it was my dad who had phoned me the previous week and told me if my grades go down again he would come whoop me in school in front of everybody else, but i decided to go.
Reaching the office, i was so excited to see it was my mum, she had not visited me the previous week which it was parents and teachers day talking about performance, but i had received that call from my dad promising to whoop me. It was actually like fate, she had come to check up on me, and she wanted to know what was wrong. I told her what was wrong and she actually gave me the money, i was so relieved and also she had brought me some chicken. It was actually one of the best days of my life.
Were it not for her now i would not be here, because she actually brought me into this world and she actually saved me from killing myself. I LOVE YOU MUM.
Yesterday was Tupac’s birthday he would have been 44, so i decided to use the tittle to his song keep ya head up as my tittle to remind me of where i was and where am heading.
In life do not forget that you are not alone.