nowhere boy

hello old friend ,

long time,

i’ve missed you,

where did you go?

i hate when i can’t hold my loneliness

why can’t i just be happy?

maybe, i like being miserable

what is wrong with me?

why do i feel this empty void inside me?

the truth is, i am the one to blame

i’m the problem,

this is my fault,

i did this,

we really are the source of our own hell

but how do i take off a mask,

when it stops being a mask,

when it is as much a part of me as i am?

what i wouldn’t give to be normal,

to live in that bubble

the reality of the naive,

lol who am i kidding,

i just realized i like doors,

they make the outside stop

you know what disssapoints me about society

the world itself’s just one big hoax

spamming with our running commentary

of bullshit masquerading as insight,

and our social media faking as intimacy

the obvious unseen

seeing and not seeing

control can sometimes be an illusion

but sometimes you need illusion to gain control

fantasy is an easy way to give meaning to the world

to cloak our harsh reality with escapist comfort

isn’t that why we surround ourselves

with so many screens?

where’s my mind

stay weird

the boy

remains of the day

life is the theatre of the unpredictable

though three words i can sum up about life

it goes on

during this period

we really need to come together

make sense of the senseless

and we will survive

every day is all we have

live with peace and love

continue creating beauty

for those who are in the forefront

running to the rescue with love

you are really appreciated

for risking your precious lives to save ours

sometimes life gets pretty ugly before it gets beautiful

so stay home, wash your hands, stay safe

we will definitely get through this

stay weird

the boy

nobody’s nothing

do you ever think that there is

such a thing as a perfect day?

i really don’t know,

but for me it’s a great film

good food and a good conversation

(you know feed your mind as well as your stomach)

each of us is an ever evolving story

and life is always going to happen

so don’t be ordinary

don’t be just another soulless soul

human nature is surprisingly universal

and its universally disappointing

we ignore truths for temporary happiness

people expect you to behave as if you don’t

but in reality change mocks us with her beauty

you know what’s funny,

you know what makes me laugh

i used to think that my life was a tragedy,

but now i realized it’s a fucking comedy

life is an endless series of train wrecks

with only brief commercial like breaks of happiness

what would be your epitaph?

mine will be i was here or maybe sad beautiful boy

lol so many years of education

yet nobody taught us how to love ourselves

we all die

the goal isn’t to live forever

the goal is to create something that will

the world needs some weird

take no shit

be messy

make living itself an art

i just hope my death makes

more cents than my life

before i die i want to be OK

no scratch that i really want to be a DAD

to create someone whose whole

purpose is to love me unconditionally

you see chaos, i see beauty and truth

the only answer to this world

of perfect order is chaos

there is beauty in the most unexpected of places

it’s ok to get lost as long as you find your way back

there are bright places even in dark times

and if there isn’t you can be the bright place

with infinite capacities

if it hurts

then it’s teaching cest la vie

veni vidi amavi

stay weird

the boy

never mind

i believe that whatever doesn’t kill

you simply makes you stranger

i have been losing all my life

everything is so strange life, people

are you happy, i try to be

but true joy is in the mystery

screws fall out all the time,

the world’s an imperfect place

every human is a little bit sad all the time,

because you know you going to die,

but that knowledge is what gives life meaning

things are special because they end

but are we all lost stars,

just trying to light up this dark

the meaning of life

is to give life a meaning

life comes from life

we have been dying since we got here

and we forgot to enjoy the view

life is not a thing to pass through,

life is the thing itself

as the famous saying goes

if you want a rainbow you

have to deal with the rain

i guess you always will go through shit

but never forget to live,

yeah i know it’s a cliche

but aren’t we all clichés?

lol shit maturity is making me poetic

i really don’t think that you are dying,

you just got a little touch of life

i hope there are days u fall in love with being alive

i’m inevitable says oblivion

death created time to grow

the things that it would eventually kill

death is so simple

life is more complicated

there is no greater feeling

than to fall from this world a free man

life is a bitch and then you die right?

sometimes life’s a bitch and you keep on living

but no you don’t deserve to die young

only the greats die young

the light of light looks on the motive not the deed,

the shadow of shadows looks on the deed alone

(i really don’t know what this means i guess it means just don’t be a shitty person)

stay weird

the boy

curb your enthusiasm

hi there

it’s just ua neighborhood boy with a public service announcement

i really thought that my last post would actually be the last, but unfortunately life

i really did try participating, doing stuff, going to things and i even started reading books wtf i thought to myself pretty unusual for a cinephile (google the meaning of the word for uaself if you don’t know , u always on ua phones and you are on ua phones reading this), but damn clichés really are tropes,

i really think am fucking broken, i really don’t like fucking participating and trying to fit in

it’s always about, u have to do this, u have to go there, you have to say this, u have to dress like this, u have drink this, smoke this,u have to be like this, u have to like this

fuck its really exhausting and boring i just fucking want to sit and watch films

someone always tells me keep writing boy, we want to hear the boys story (what do you mean my story, is my life like a cautionary tale or what?)

the fucking boy just wants to clear the fucking noise,

i just want to be OK

not just to fucking go through this shit called life without really living it

but well reality is cheesy sometimes, not often admittedly, but now

it’s just life and the universe has a funny way of keeping us humble

sometimes awful things, have their own kind of beauty madness really is beautiful

uncut gems 

there are so many bad days,

and some unexpected good days


we can’t choose where we come from,

but we can choose where we go from there


it’s another world and it gets better


i do not know

if I’ll have the time to write anymore,

because i might be too busy,

trying to participate,

so if this does end up being the last letter,

i just want u to know that i was in a bad place before

and u helped me,

even if you didn’t know what i was talking about,

or know someone who has gone through it,

you’ve made me not feel alone,


this will all be stories someday

and our pictures will become old photographs,

we will all become somebodies mum or dad,

but right now this moments are not stories,

this is happening,

i am here I can see it,

this one moment when you know u not a sad story,

you are alive and you stand up

and you see the lights on the buildings

and everything that makes you wonder

and you listening to that one song

with the people you love

and in this moment i swear we are infinite



stay weird

remember to hug and tell the

people who u love

how much you appreciate them


(perks of being a wallflower)

a private war

marie colvin
was a journalist who worked as a foreign affairs correspondent
for the british newspaper the sunday times
she died covering the siege of homs in syria
i recently saw this beautiful film
called a private war (based on marie colvin’s story),
the film is about a journalist who risks her life
telling the truth about what really is happening in war zone areas
and in doing so she actually ended up  loosing  her life,
in the film they also deal with her private war
she goes through something so traumatic
and instead of hanging it up,
she still puts her self back in this war tone areas
because to her,
that’s her normal,
that’s how she copes
but pain demands to be felt and she kept it inside
this got me thinking about myself
i have always avoided my pain
i always hide it by always keeping myself so busy
but recently what was always keeping me so busy
was taken away and i was left with my mind
which is really not a good companion in my opinion
i had to learn how to deal with everything that i had hidden away
and am still learning and its not that easy
i cant just drink my pain away
as i said pain DEMANDS to be felt
i got some little messages for my self
i have LOVE and ITS ALL OK tatted
on both my lower limb (that’s between my knee and thigh)
so whenever am in pain i just look down
and remind myself that its really ok and to just continue loving myself no matter what
we humans  are creatures of want
everybody wants happiness,
nobody wants pain,
but you can’t have
a rainbow without a little rain.

nothing is perfect

you want easy just die

we are all dealing with something,

(our own private wars)

some kind of demon inside

there for be nicer to people,

give each other hugs



stay weird





the boy